A few words about Focus...

I started posting a gratitude on my Facebook status daily, and my commitment to myself is to do it for 100 days. I have gotten several comments from friends who are asking why I'm doing it and does it have some sort of meaning. I simply explain that whenever I'm stressed, or need to change my focus in my life, I return to consciously living in thankfulness. I focus on the things I have in my life and not what is missing. I immerse myself in gratitude. From the sun as it bounces off the windows of the buildings downtown, to succulent fruit I eat over the sink with the juices dripping off my elbows, to the challenges I have faced over the last year of my life. It is an unconditional, 100% money back if not satisfied cure for anything that ails me. Choosing 100 days was just a number.

I came home from work last night exhausted and frankly very angry about a decision that was made by another involving a patient. I sat with it on the drive home, came into my beautiful condo, took off my shoes and changed into some comfy clothes. Still feeling a little heated about work, I opened my refrigerator. I do this several times daily, just looking around to see if the food fairy stopped by to drop anything interesting in there that didn't happen to be there the last time I looked. I stooped down to see if there was something I might have missed in the back and spotted a small watermelon. As soon as I cut into it and had my first juicy bite, I sent up a thanks to the Universe for landing it in my hands. My anger was gone. I realized that while I didn't have the greatest day at work, my work day was over and now I was home enjoying the watermelon with the balcony doors open, savoring the rest of my evening.

I make a conscious decision to live in thankfulness, and when I get myself into a knot about something, I can always land back on my feet when I shift my focus back to the life I choose to live. It is like flipping a switch for me. My brain isn't wired to hold gratitude and anger simultaneously.

So the message for today is that I love my body more than losing my focus. I make choices that are good for me, and gratitude is a good choice. So is an ice cold watermelon on a hot summer evening.

I am grateful for you.

XO,
Karen

A few words about New Beginnings...

I had such a great day today. I spent the afternoon with a dear friend and her year old twin girls. They were so well behaved, sat in their little high chairs for the entire time we were at lunch. Everyone in the restaurant was captivated by them and stopped by the table to smile and ask something about them. It was amazing just to look at them, starting to put some things and thoughts together and it got me to thinking. They are just beginning their lives, full of possibilities and new experiences and I thought that could be just about anyone. You don't have to be a one year old to have a life filled with possibilities or new experiences. You just have to be willing to open your mind and your heart to the life that lies before you. Whether you are at the beginning of your life or nearing the end, there is always a new experience just waiting for you.

When the twins started to get a bit wiggly, their mother took one and I took the other in my arms and we continued our visit. Then mine, Kylie, started wiggling even more; she started straightening out, twisting and turning around, all the while trusting me not to drop her. What a wonderful feeling to hold a little life in my hands, knowing she could completely trust me and just knew I wouldn't let her go. And what an amazing feeling to have, that you could wiggle and squirm all you wanted fearlessly, and with complete trust that you're not going to fall. Then, she snuggled up to me and gave me a big kiss on my cheek...It was heaven, and reminded me that no matter how old you are, you always have a new experience waiting just for you. You just have to open your eyes...and your heart to let it in.

So, the message for today is I love my body more than thinking there are no new experiences waiting for me. There are so many I don't even know where to start. Each day is a new beginning, and perhaps it just takes a kiss on the cheek to bring you back to that place of innocence and trust.

I wish you a squirmy, wiggly day, safely held in the arms of the Universe,

XO,
Karen

A few words about living from the inside...

Often I get the best inspiration for things to write about from simple phrases that someone just happens to say in ordinary conversation. This morning was a great example of just what I mean by that. I went to my Pilates class and not only did I have my favorite instructor, who has just returned to the studio after a long absence, I was the only one in the class so we had plenty of time to catch up with each other and work on muscles that don't always get the attention they need in a class of six other students. I caught her up on my life, my journey through the last year and how much I have grown. We flew through the hour with muscles and hearts engaged. As we moved to a piece of equipment I seldom get to work on I was so grateful to have been able to have a private lesson. I got on the equipment and she was instructing me how to do the exercise, being conscious of my body and the muscles I was using. I felt a little clumsy then she said something that resonated with me. She said "The movement all starts from the inside. When you do this, the object is to be doing this from your core, sending out the messages to your limbs to execute properly." I stopped and looked up at her and said that was great advice for life in general.

I have felt out of balance lately and the messages I'm sending are not coming from my core, they are coming from my head. Those are the times I find myself being reactionary, defensive and just not myself. Sometimes I try to make sense out of something that just doesn't make sense. I struggle to make it logical when really it doesn't matter if it is logical or not. When I live my life through my core, my heart and soul, I rarely feel the discord I've been feeling recently. I have to consciously remember to lead with my heart, trust myself and go in the direction that feels intuitively right. I have the ability to do that in my nursing practice and I know which way I need to move with a patient. I trust my intuition completely. I know that just because a person looks good on paper, stable vital signs and other tangible evidence of progressing toward improvement, that doesn't always mean they are doing well. When I follow my intuition in my practice, I am rarely wrong. How do I consistently do that in my life outside of my job to keep me on the right track?

The way I get back in balance is to stop and breathe, roll my neck around a little, stretch and remind myself that I am exactly where I need to be. Then I take stock of my surroundings. Do they reflect my heart or my head? I live in a beautiful space and when guests have visited, they more often than not tell me it is exactly the kind of place they would picture me living. I send up a prayer of gratitude for what I have in my life. When I let myself dwell on loss, I am living with my head and not my heart; not living with my intuition leading the way. When I look back on my life, every decision I have made that contradicted my intuition has not turned out the way I expected. I find when I pay attention to my intuition and not question it, I am able to move forward from a place in my core, and direct my limbs to carry out the movement. It is the perfect way for me to live.

So the message for today is that I love my body more than living in my head. When I live my life from the inside out, following my core and intuition, I rarely go wrong. My head often over thinks but my heart instinctively leads me in the right direction.

Today I desire a day that begins from the inside...

XO,
Karen

A few words about Thunderstorms...

This summer, Denver has experienced amazing thunderstorms with unusual frequency. The day starts out calm and sunny, I pack up and head down to the pool, then by three or so in the afternoon, the clouds start to build and the rain begins to pour down in sheets. I am beginning to wonder if the climate in Denver has changed. I know the climate in my life has changed over the last year and I have been experiencing my own personal thunderstorms. There have been flash floods, tornado warnings, and bells and whistles going off. There have been tantrums and tears, stomping of feet and the looming question "why me?" more than once. The lightening has been quite impressive, followed by cracks of thunder that appear to be crashing within 50 yards of my beautiful tranquil balcony. The tantrums and tears have been quite impressive as well. It is interesting to be able to touch my authentic self and see how I repeat past behavior that I know doesn't serve me. Then, the storm passes, the calm comes, the sunsets are spectacular and all is right again.

As I think about these thunderstorms and the fact that I have no control over them, I'm reminded of the work of Byron Katie in "Loving What Is". She refers to three kinds of business: My business, your business and God's (or whatever your higher power happens to be) business. Her concept is that when you are feeling discord, check in to see in just whose business you find yourself. When I'm fighting the rainstorm (out of my control) by being frustrated at the daily interruption in my summer, I'm clearly out of my business and in the business of changing Mother Nature. A losing proposition at best. On my own weather front, I seem to find myself deeply entrenched in family drama that has begun to unfold this summer and I have been consumed with worry over events past, present, and future. Not my business, and clearly out of my control. Just what's going on here? I've been chewing on this for a while now.

As I was driving home this afternoon, looking up and noticing the blue sky, it was as if a bolt of lightening came out of nowhere and pierced through me. The sky was clear but I felt tingly and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I was angry. I was really angry. Just what the heck was going on, anyway? I had made an agreement with myself that I was the steward of my life and a promise that I would take my duties seriously. I had hired myself to be the keeper of my soul and I was up for review. I needed to take a hard look at the lesson where I learned how to stay in my own power by staying in my own business. I live a worry free life and it is a beautiful place to live. It seems lately though, I have been out of town.

I steer my own course and I think I've been asleep at the wheel. I have spent far too much time in my past worrying about things that are clearly not my business and I thought I had grown through that behavior. I was surprised to find myself wandering this neighborhood again. I had to stop and have a gentle talk with myself and jump back into the business of living my own life. I have the skill set to live an incredible life and like the lightening bolt that shoots across the sky, I am a powerful woman. Sometimes I just have to look myself in the eye to step back into that power.

So the message for today is I love my body more than worrying about something over which I have no control. To me, worry looks like a hamster on a wheel going nowhere. Life comes at you on sunny days and in thunderstorms and running around in circles worrying about something that is clearly not your business is not only exhausting, it is self destructive behavior.

I wish a day filled with clear skies for you,

XO,
Karen

A few words about Compassion...

The other day I had the pleasure of a Skype call with my nephew who is currently living in Korea working as an English teacher. I enjoy time spent with him and as time has moved on have come to realize that like me, he is a deep thinker and attempts to look at life from lots of different angles. As I was sharing some things that have been going on in my life, the conversation went to the subject of compassion. We came up with some thoughtful considerations. Just how do we develop compassion? When do we know we have it? I contend it is when you have been through a similar experience, or have known someone who has gone through the same thing that you develop the feelings of empathy. It is something that you get better at over time, but I don't think it is something that you are born with. I consider myself a compassionate person, but that has come with so much experience in my life, as well as in my job as a Registered Nurse.

In my job, I am often called upon to be present when someone is given the news that there isn't anything more medically that can be done and the life that person has known is coming to an end. It is interesting that when everyone leaves the room and I'm still there, how I can instinctively know which way to let it play out. Listening? Quiet holding of a hand? Leaving the room without speaking? I remember a woman who told me in that moment when she was processing the end of her life that her son had died of AIDS several years ago and she hadn't told a soul. But she told me. She looked at me and told me I was the most compassionate person she knew and she couldn't have told anyone else. I was honored she had confided in me. These kinds of experiences happen to me all the time. It is amazing and I am thrilled that I project that to others.

Some people just have good sense, and know when to speak and when it is better to just hold space and listen. After all, we all want to be heard. When I am in that space, I'm not looking for words of encouragement or advice or cheerleading from the sidelines. I just want to be witnessed. I want to be heard without judgment or some piece of advice from someone that isn't standing in my shoes. Life is different from every one's shoes and the road that I walk is my own and I get pretty protective of that path. Those times all I really want to hear is "this must be hard for you." Don't deny me my feelings, or change my words into something else or tell me I'll get through. Just stand by me exactly as I am. I'll find my way out. I always do.

Earlier this week my brother and I delivered my mother's ashes to the cemetery. I have held them close to me for nearly a year, but it was her wish to be with my father at the military cemetery where he is buried. I held her in my arms, refusing to let go until we arrived at the grave site, where on my knees I gently placed her into the ground and with my bare hands scooped the earth back around her. The young worker waited quietly until I was finished then after a nod from me that I was ready, began the process of securing the soil and tamping it down, replacing the sod gently over the grave. She had loads of compassion and I could feel it and see it in her eyes that were blinking back tears. It was important to her also to let it all play out exactly as it was supposed to.

Life teaches us so many things and some of those things you just don't know until you go through them yourself, or you witness someone else and your heart is touched. Genuine compassion is such a gift. A dear friend I had lunch with the other day told me my energy was a little lower than usual. When I explained what was going on in my life, he took my hand and just said he couldn't imagine what it must feel like. It was the best thing he could have said. Anything else would have seemed trite.

So, the message for today is that I love my body more than denying myself the compassion I show others. I am nurturing myself as I move through this space of transition, leaning into people that love me and support me unconditionally. And sometimes that is all that is necessary.

I desire a day filled with compassion for you,

XO,
Karen

A few words about being "big" enough...

The other day I was in the nail salon and as I was sitting waiting for my polish to dry, a little girl with newly painted blue nails approached and gingerly slid her fingers under the dryer facing me. I looked over the top and smiled at her. I was perched in the chair, the least favorite thing for any mani/pedi lover, with my toes under the blower at my feet and my fingers resting on the table with warm air caressing my own newly lacquered nails. She looked back at her mother who was finishing up her pedicure then back at me and after the reassurance her mother was only steps away decided I was a friendly face. She smiled back at me and I asked her if she was also planning on getting her toes done. She thought for a moment, then said "no." When I asked her why, she said, "Because my legs aren't long enough to reach under the dryer." It was funny to me then, but as I was thinking about it later I realized that I have made decisions to not do something because I thought I wasn't "big" enough. My ego was in the way, I had self doubt that would creep into my consciousness and thought failure would be embarrassing. I thought about how much behavior I have grown into over time when in reality I could have made different choices, but just as she needed to learn that she was big enough, so did I. She could have chosen to let her toes air dry, stood with her toes under the dryer, or a myriad of different choices. I could see how I had limited myself in my life by not realizing just how many options are really out there waiting for me.
After having nearly 57 years of life experience and the desire to continually challenge myself to grow bigger, I have come to learn that listening to my intuition, trusting myself to know I am big enough for anything, and then jumping in with both feet is usually the best choice. I wouldn't have known that when I was six, and I probably didn't know it when I was
50. But I know it now. It is a lesson I have learned well. My legs are long enough and while I continue to stretch into my life, I realize how many things are just waiting for me to open my palm to receive.
Just as the little girl had to grow physically, I had to grow emotionally and follow my own path as it appeared before me, gathering life experience that has helped me develop into the confident woman I am today. So the message for today is that I love my body more than limiting my options by believing I'm too small for anything.

I am greeting this new day with a stretch from the tips of my fingers to the tips of my very cute pink toes...I wonder what is in store for me today!

XO,
Karen

A few words about trusting what is...

Do you ever spend any time wondering what your life would have been like "if only" something was different? Like if someone would have crossed your path at an earlier time in your life, if only you would have moved out of a bad job or relationship earlier, if only you would have admitted a mistake sooner instead of the drama involved around trying not to hurt some one's feelings, or the ultimate craziness of saving yourself from the ridiculous embarrassment of being human. When I look back at my life I realize that I have compromised myself and my own desires many times for the happiness of another. No wonder I always felt like I was running on just the fumes instead of the fuel of my life. I continually put the needs of another before my own. I don't look back with regret, but I do on rare occasions wonder what my life would look like now had things been different. I'm not sure exactly what purpose that serves for me. I think we have times in our lives when we are vulnerable, after a life altering event happens, or someone crosses our path and we are challenged to reassess our own lives. Perhaps those questions serve as the rudder to steer us on the path that lies before us with a little more clarity about where we are headed. Or perhaps they are just questions...

My mother has been gone for almost a year. I knew it would happen. Time would pass and she would be gone and I would have all of this free space and no responsibility. But on the other hand, this has been a benchmark year for me. Sure, one filled with sadness, but I realize it has been more a year of tremendous growth and discovery. I was able to leave my life for month and journey alone to Costa Rica. It was the first time in my nearly 57 years that I did something by myself that was just for me. It wasn't selfish, it was necessary. As I was standing in the rain forest with bats flying around my head, I was thinking "I'm kind of a little black dress girl" but discovered I was really brave. I had no idea what I was getting into, but I did it anyway, trusting that everything would turn out exactly as it was supposed to. When I slowed to let an iguana slither across the path in front of me, I realized that life is different and I am different. The monkeys dancing on the roof of my Spanish classroom was just a bonus. I took long walks on the beach and realized that the only way to check back into my life was to check out of it for a while. Perhaps I have changed my mind a bit about just who I am. And I think I like myself a little bit more...

So now, I'm all checked in and sit in eager anticipation of what comes next. I know I am grateful. That one is easy. I live a life of gratitude every day. And now it is time to think about me and what I desire. Only me, and nobody else but me. I moved back to Denver to be closer to my family, with my mother being my primary focus for the last few years. Things didn't pan out the way I thought they would in other family areas and I realize that letting go of the idea that it could have been different, if only, is the only way to move forward. Letting go of the life I planned to make room for the life that is waiting for me is a leap of faith. I have to trust in the now, in what is, exactly as it is and leap into the next chapter of my life.

So, I'm now leaping and the page is blank. It is unwritten, and it is mine to create. Jump and the net will appear. Zen schmen. Yikes! Life is exciting, full of wonder, a little scary and sometimes I feel like I'm just flying by the seat of my pants. An occasional glance over my shoulder makes me wonder that if I'm glancing backward, I might possibly slip and miss my future, so concentrating on allowing the future to open to me seems more reasonable. I think all of this personal drama comes down to trusting myself to know exactly what is the best thing for me. It is the struggle between what I don't know and what I have known and that is the most delicious dilemma. I challenge myself every day to live bigger. I look toward my higher, inner self, the one that knows all the answers, the little voice that grabs me by the ears and whispers "What's the big deal? You have everything you will ever need already." It is in those remarkable moments of utter clarity that I realize how much drama I have created by not putting myself first. Being a self proclaimed low drama person this is only a bit contradictory...

What it boils down to is that learning to trust myself is an ongoing journey. I am learning to know what is best for me, but I still have questions. All things being equal, leaping should be easy, and fun and an adventure, however, I have the annoying habit of taking the wind out of my own sails by overthinking something that should be easy. If I am so lucky to be alive in another year, I desire to be holding space and feeling unconditional excitement for what lies before me. An annoying habit is breakable. It is just a habit after all. Sure, I'm doing my homework because that is just how I am, but the message for today is I love my body more than the doubts that creep into my head. I will trust in what is, exactly as it appears before me. Martin Luther King said you don't have to see the whole staircase to find the next step...or something like that. So I'm sharpening my pencil, turning the next page, and preparing to be my own scribe as I move forward into the space that is waiting just for me. I can hardly wait but for today, I will just trust that I am exactly where I need to be.

And, I trust you will have a fabulous day...

XO,
Karen

A few words about me....

So, after a long spell of not dating, I've signed up once again to search for love. I've posted my pictures, explained what I'm looking for in a potential mate and have been fielding many possible candidates for the love of my life, my Soulmate. Soulmate...what an awesome responsibility. Sure everyone wants someone that mirrors their best qualities and forgives their less than perfect imperfections. But a soulmate? Really? That is a little much to ask for.

I was asked in an email to "tell me a little more about yourself" and realized there just might be a few things you don't know about me...

I love reruns of Frasier.
I love a ripe mango.
I get up really early in the morning. I mean really early. 4:30 or 5:00 in the morning early.
I am fierce, kind, witty, smart, creative and I know where I stand in my life.
I stopped watching the news a couple of years ago because of the negative effect it could have on me in the long run and I don't think I have missed anything that would have made a difference in the way I live my life.
I enjoy my time alone but sometimes get a little lonely.
I have a delicious dark side that comes out when necessary.
I have had more than one inappropriate drop of the f-bomb.
I have been with many people at the moment of their death because of my Hospice and Oncology background. It is an awesome and profoundly life altering experience.
I have learned more about living from people who are dying than any book or other experience could have ever taught me.
I am a wonderful, true and loyal friend but I have lousy "friendship" skills.
I delivered an awesome eulogy at my mother's memorial service with my voice cracking only once. She would have been proud and humbled at the depth of my love and the immensity of my grief.
I am a deep thinker and I consider the big picture before I react...OK this has come with experience and growing older. And speaking of growing older...
I looked in the mirror the other day and said out loud "you are going to be 57 years old on your next birthday" and wondered where the time went.
I like to wear a little black dress just because.
I wake up every morning with profound gratitude for just being me. I wouldn't change a thing.
Sometimes I go out to the pool without sunscreen...never without sunscreen on my face but sometimes without sunscreen hitting the other parts of my body.
I wear bikinis proudly, not because I have a great body but because every inch of me I have earned and I'm not ashamed.
I view the spider veins on my legs as the roadmap of my life, how they began when I was pregnant, and as I have grown older they have grown with me. And I love each one of them and what part of me they represent.
I am deep down happy with myself.
I have a daughter that hasn't spoken to me for several years for reasons unknown to me and it has taken me years to come to the conclusion that perhaps it was my cosmic responsibility to just get her on the earth and her path is her own and doesn't include me.
My son loves me unconditionally and he is tall and handsome and looks like me.
My granddaughter thinks she has the coolest Nana on the planet. She told me so.
Sometimes when I'm looking a word up in the dictionary I sing the alphabet song in my head...or outloud.
I don't run my dishwasher until it is full. Same goes with the washing machine.
I am morally responsible.
I consider my own needs first, not from a narcissistic point of view but from a place of understanding that if my own cup isn't full first I have nothing to freely give.
I have been in therapy off an on for years and through the loss of my mother I was divinely led to a therapist that has changed my life and finally helped me put my demons to rest.
I believe in the power of the Universe and what you put attention on grows.
I believe in positive thinking and the laws of attraction.
I am a little wacky sometimes, I love all kinds of music and I dance in the shower.
I like to watch Sunday Morning.
If a clerk gives me too much change I always give it back. In my book, keeping it would be like stealing.
There is nothing better than a good cup of coffee. OK, maybe lots of things but at 5AM I can't think of much else that would be as good.
My brother is my best friend.
My guilty pleasure (one of several) is a Chips A'Hoy cookie and I buy a bag and keep them in my glovebox for cookie emergencies.
I have a wickedly awesome sense of humor and can find something funny in nearly every situation.
I am kind and loving.
I have an entire tribe of fabulous women in my life that assure me I am never alone.
I just returned from a month in Costa Rica and I was scared to death to get on the plane, however once I did I didn't look back.
I really enjoy pedicures and massages.
I am fiscally responsible.
I wonder what it is that leads women to desperate decisions and settling for less than they want or deserve. Probably why I'm still single after all these years.
I can be a real hard ass when necessary.
For the most part I mind my own business and am slow to judge others.

So as the journey of my life continues, so does my learning. More about me, more about others and mostly more about life in the great scheme of things. I've learned to understand why my priorities are my priorities. I don't wonder anymore "why did I react that way?" I usually know.

In the end, the only opinion that really matters is the opinion I have of myself. I don't have to understand everything to accept it, and I don't have to accept everything I understand. Sometimes it just is what it is. And that is enough. So the lesson for today is that I love my body more than unanswered questions. I am the authority on me and I know where all the pieces fit. I no longer fall apart, I fall together.

Have a day filled with self love and adoration just because you have the privilege of being you. I leave you with a question...what is it that others don't know about you?
XO,
Karen

A few words about Doors that Open and Close...

When I bought my condo a few years ago, I remember entering it for the very first time as an owner and immediately taking down the mirrored closet doors. I had lived for the last few years with mirrors on every closet door in my apartment and one evening when I was particularly tired, additionally without my glasses on, I was walking toward the closet door and had difficulty recognizing the woman coming toward me...she looked like me but she was tired, she looked old in her pajamas, and generally didn't look very happy. It was shortly after that encounter I decided that when I bought a place of my own, there would be no mirrors on the closet doors. So prior to moving my things into my new home, and with the closet doors gone, I installed a magnificent closet organizer with double hanging space, drawers, shelves...I tell you it is fabulous and affords as much space as a girl could want. Well, nearly. Anyway, my beautifully organized closet is filled with beautiful things, organized by color and sleeve length. My sweaters are neatly stored in perfectly aligned stacks, shoes are placed in little cubbies and clear boxes, purses stacked to the side. So for three years I have looked at the inside of my beautiful closet, and have thought "I need to get doors on that thing someday" but not getting it done. Until today. I hired a contractor who came in this morning and installed closet doors. Now I have this expansive space of white sliders where there used to be colors and textures. Now, it is white. Blank. No color or organization showing. I have closed the door on my creativly organized colorful closet. Does that mean it is finished? I think not. There have been doors that I thought were forever closed in my life that have opened again. There are slivers of light coming through doors that are barely cracked. And there are those that I really don't see any hope of opening again and while it isn't my desire for them to remain closed, I no longer wonder if perhaps they might again be opened. That is the only way I can come to agreement with the reality of what is and move forward.

How often have we closed doors, metaphorically speaking, without really thinking about the consequence? Did I close a door because of an argument or misunderstanding, a mistake I was afraid to admit or some other expectation which wasn't met? And what would happen if that door would have been allowed to swing whichever way it wanted? Would it open again? And the consequence of course being that I will never know the answer to those questions.

I know that I met with someone I've known in the past with whom I have amazing chemistry but meeting again now is ill timed. Oh, it was refreshing to know the chemistry is still there, but life circumstances are not conducive to opening that door right now because we are in such different spaces in our lives. Perhaps it will change in the future but for me this door has to stay closed right now. What if that door would have been opened before? I don't know and it isn't mine to say. The Universe had other plans...

So perhaps opening or closing a door has everything to do with timing. Perhaps it was time to close my closet and open up the blank space before me. Perhaps the doors will swing as they might, or I'll leave them opened to catch a glance at the colors behind them. Maybe I just throw them open, as well as my heart and see what happens. Who knows? So the message for today is I love my body more than closed doors...I refuse to keep my life locked behind a door that should be open wide.

XO,
Karen

A few words about microscopes....

Last night I met a couple of friends at a place where they teach you how to paint a picture with 25 of your new best friends that are also painting the same picture. I have to say, I have plenty of artistic talent, but painting a picture that I would hang on my wall was a little challenging. They serve wine, turn up the music, shout the directions and which brush to use, and in the end you are supposed to have painted a picture similar to the one they are teaching you to paint. Mine looked like total chaos, but after it dried and I stepped back a few feet and looked from a distance, I was surprised at the way it looked. It didn't look like any of the others and sort of resembled the painting we were being instructed to paint. But it looked okay. In fact, it looked good.

So, it got me to thinking about microscopes and the purpose they serve in the living of a life. Looking at things so closely doesn't allow you to look at the big picture. I have put my life under a microscope, found fault with things in the past that now I have put in a different and healthier space in my head. Is the microscope necessary for examining my life? Is it necessary to get an up close look at events that might not have turned out the way I expected? Probably not anymore. But it did allow me to move through that space of self criticism and self denigration for things that have happened along my path of life. And now that I am older and wiser I am able to objectively stand back and look at the life I have lived and the decisions I have made. I am in a place of peace and live my life relatively drama free. And that is good. Each experience, like each brush stroke, has lead me to the next, and at this point in my life, I am pleased with the canvas I have created. I no longer feel the need to put everything under a microscope and tease it all apart. I have more than a PhD in me. I have learned that the colors of my life make the portrait and that portrait is indeed wall worthy. In a golden frame. So the message for today is that I love my body more than the microscope that served a purpose for me. Instead I choose to stand back and lovingly look at the beauty of the creation that is my life.

XO,
Karen

A few words about tangibles....

I've been going through this phase lately of desiring to release my tangible things that are taking up the space I want to fill with intangibles. What is my resistance? Is it that I have worked hard to accumulate a comfortable life and I feel it is a tangible sign of success? Perhaps. Is it fear? Just what is it that makes me feel like I have to hang on to things? Do we really measure the success of a person by the possessions she owns?

I have beautiful things, at least I think so. A gorgeous butterscotch leather sofa that I've had for 15 years and cannot see another living room that I might inhabit without it gracing some space; a gorgeous oriental rug that looks so fabulous, a closet full of beautiful clothes that I hardly ever wear and so many other things that I hold on to because I think I need them. But do I really? I think the lesson itching to be learned is that tangibles only serve to carry me so far. It is the intangible, like the look on my granddaughter's face when she laughs, I mean really laughs...the kind where she can hardly breathe and her face is contorted in such ridiculous happiness and the immense love that I feel for her fills my heart to capacity where I think it will just flat out burst. Wow, it feels good. You just can't buy that. I loved to see the joy in my mother's eyes when I would surprise her by stopping by without calling, or the feeling of the warmth of the sun on my face, or the cool water that surrounds me when I slip into the pool on a hot summer day. Could I really buy those feelings? Could I hold any of them in my hands?

So I am practicing releasing. Clothing, gold charger plates that I no longer use, a pair of earrings that a friend loves but I have refused to give her because I wanted to keep them for myself. I never really thought I was a stingy person, but she really loves those earrings and I just pulled them out of a box that I found in my closet and thought they were cute so I wore them. But she really loves them. It is true that the gift, I believe if you're really paying attention, is in the giving away. The greater gift is giving away something you have loved at one time or another.

I live an abundant life but I'm learning where the true abundance that I desire lies and it isn't in the things that I own. I'm learning to let go of things I love, or always thought I loved because the feeling of freely floating them off to new homes is a much deeper and more rewarding feeling. Besides, my life is changing and I'm not sure everything will fit in the suitcase for my next big adventure.

So, the message for today is that I love my body more than the tangibles that surround me. They are just things and I would rather downsize my tangible life to open the cracks for the intangibles to burst through. That is where the true nuggets of the happiest life lie. So my friend, my black dress that I loaned to you, you know the one that you really love, if you're reading this I joyfully release the dress to you...

XO,
Karen

A few words about Pigeon Holes

I was speaking with a coworker the other day who was telling me of his frustration about working full time in one area while he is working on post graduate work in Health Care Administration. His frustration was centered around not being valued for what he was learning, but for what he was currently doing. When I told him to reframe that thought into how rich with experience he was becoming being on the other side of administration and what and incredible leader he will be, he walked away standing a little taller. It is all in how you look at it and his situation opened the door for some contemplation, and how important for people who are contributing to the decisions in our lives to place you in the appropriate box.

It is my thought that we place ourselves in our own pigeon holes therefore placing self imposed limitations. For me, I'm single. I've been divorced but each time I see that box on some form I'm filling out it generates negative feelings. What difference does it make? Is my doctor going to treat me differently? Am I being judged by the box I check? Single, married, divorced, widowed. Single? I just haven't met the right person. Could mean you're living with someone but technically you're single. Married? Have been before so really you're divorced then remarried. Divorced? Made a bad decision, things just didn't work out, and a host of other things. And widowed? A different journey. Each box holds a different feeling. Maybe they should add a few boxes, like "Single but dating," "Happily Married" because after all, if you are happily married you must be more stable than "Single but dating" don't you agree? But in who's eyes?

It is my opinion that we put ourselves in our own pigeon holes in life thereby labeling ourselves. Or perhaps are we making excuses for not living our lives full out? If you can place yourself in a box then you don't have to live outside of one. In my mind, you're single or you're married. Everything else is the life experience in between. When I was first divorced, I clung to that identity for a while until I became single again. Single feels nicer to me. Free, independent, non-attached.

I've checked boxes before believing that somehow they were keeping statistics, or it was something that I needed to do to comply with the rules. Now, I make my own. I check the single box because that is what I am. Divorce was a long time ago and it doesn't really matter anymore.

So pigeon holes no longer define me. They only serve to put me in a category that defines me for someone else. So, the message for today is that I love my body more than being placed in a pigeon hole. I choose to find my own definition. Perhaps I'll choose to add a box to the standard forms; single but having a great time in my life. Yes, I like that one!

XO,
Karen

A few words about Injuries...

The other day I was working and strained my back just a little. Not a lot, but it was noticeable. I wasn't scheduled to work for a few days and being proactive in my health, I did a little yoga to stretch my muscles. The next morning I got out of bed, or tried to, and was nearly immobilized by the muscles that had been strained. I was bent over; each time I attempted to stand straight I was gripped by a spasm. I managed to get on to the floor and gently stretch to get movement back into my body but while I was down there I took the opportunity to do a little self reflection. I've always been healthy, and for that I am on my knees (or flat on my back on that day) in gratitude. No major issues other than seasonal allergies and now I was being sidelined by a yoga injury. How lame is that? I managed to get up and standing nearly straight, I got out my Ben Gay (the fact that I actually had it in my medicine cabinet is scary) and smeared it on my back and it was pretty soothing. Then I realized, not only was I bent over, I smelled like a bag of old granddaddies. Yikes.

So, if I practice what I preach and live a life of abundant gratitude, I am grateful for so many things. OK, so not so much for the yoga injury, but grateful that it wasn't caused by reaching for the remote. I live a pretty active life in which exercise is an important part. The older I am the more important it becomes. I hear people my age referring to themselves as being old and I want to shake them and tell them these are the best years of our lives. I am not old, I am growing older. And these are the best years of my life. I'm wiser, I'm content, I'm not fighting for space on the planet because I already own the space I occupy. I am rich with life experience. I stretch and I grow and I willingly engage in life. I have a sense of humor that allows me to move through life with a light heart. I have a delicious dark side which I embrace as being part of who I am.

You have to face the fact that life is full of injuries. Physical, spiritual, and emotional. I think the trick is what you do about them, and how proactively you participate in the healing that matters. I didn't choose to lie on the heating pad for a few days until my back healed itself. I stretched, I massaged and worked through the pain of the spasm. As I am moving through these changes in my life and dealing with the emotional injuries, I'm doing my homework, asking questions of myself, doing research to find the best thing that works for me. I am unique and I am forging the trail of my own life, whatever that brings. It is an adventurous time to be me. The Universe continues to shower me with healing gifts, large and small and my palms are open.

So what is next? I'm not sure but I do have some ideas. I am entertained by myself right now, embracing the dance I am doing with my fears and my desires. It is a challenging time in my life and I am loving watching it unfold. Full of uncertainties and questions and I am completely confident in my ability to sort it all out and move through with grace. While I find myself tentative to run in the direction of a desire, I am intrigued with the opportunity to explore my fears. Wow. What a ride. Injuries heal. Heartaches mend. Life marches on and the scars fade. All in all, life is what you make it, but that is nothing new. I only wish I would have said it first! So the message for today is I love my body more than the injuries that might sideline me. Physical or emotional. They are only temporary and will disappear with time. I will continue to be grateful for what I have, creating the most abundant life I could ever imagine.

XO,
Karen