A few words about Compassion...

The other day I had the pleasure of a Skype call with my nephew who is currently living in Korea working as an English teacher. I enjoy time spent with him and as time has moved on have come to realize that like me, he is a deep thinker and attempts to look at life from lots of different angles. As I was sharing some things that have been going on in my life, the conversation went to the subject of compassion. We came up with some thoughtful considerations. Just how do we develop compassion? When do we know we have it? I contend it is when you have been through a similar experience, or have known someone who has gone through the same thing that you develop the feelings of empathy. It is something that you get better at over time, but I don't think it is something that you are born with. I consider myself a compassionate person, but that has come with so much experience in my life, as well as in my job as a Registered Nurse.

In my job, I am often called upon to be present when someone is given the news that there isn't anything more medically that can be done and the life that person has known is coming to an end. It is interesting that when everyone leaves the room and I'm still there, how I can instinctively know which way to let it play out. Listening? Quiet holding of a hand? Leaving the room without speaking? I remember a woman who told me in that moment when she was processing the end of her life that her son had died of AIDS several years ago and she hadn't told a soul. But she told me. She looked at me and told me I was the most compassionate person she knew and she couldn't have told anyone else. I was honored she had confided in me. These kinds of experiences happen to me all the time. It is amazing and I am thrilled that I project that to others.

Some people just have good sense, and know when to speak and when it is better to just hold space and listen. After all, we all want to be heard. When I am in that space, I'm not looking for words of encouragement or advice or cheerleading from the sidelines. I just want to be witnessed. I want to be heard without judgment or some piece of advice from someone that isn't standing in my shoes. Life is different from every one's shoes and the road that I walk is my own and I get pretty protective of that path. Those times all I really want to hear is "this must be hard for you." Don't deny me my feelings, or change my words into something else or tell me I'll get through. Just stand by me exactly as I am. I'll find my way out. I always do.

Earlier this week my brother and I delivered my mother's ashes to the cemetery. I have held them close to me for nearly a year, but it was her wish to be with my father at the military cemetery where he is buried. I held her in my arms, refusing to let go until we arrived at the grave site, where on my knees I gently placed her into the ground and with my bare hands scooped the earth back around her. The young worker waited quietly until I was finished then after a nod from me that I was ready, began the process of securing the soil and tamping it down, replacing the sod gently over the grave. She had loads of compassion and I could feel it and see it in her eyes that were blinking back tears. It was important to her also to let it all play out exactly as it was supposed to.

Life teaches us so many things and some of those things you just don't know until you go through them yourself, or you witness someone else and your heart is touched. Genuine compassion is such a gift. A dear friend I had lunch with the other day told me my energy was a little lower than usual. When I explained what was going on in my life, he took my hand and just said he couldn't imagine what it must feel like. It was the best thing he could have said. Anything else would have seemed trite.

So, the message for today is that I love my body more than denying myself the compassion I show others. I am nurturing myself as I move through this space of transition, leaning into people that love me and support me unconditionally. And sometimes that is all that is necessary.

I desire a day filled with compassion for you,

XO,
Karen