On Letting my Ego Go

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about the life of my ego. Examining how it has served me, and how at this point in my life, my ego plays such a small role. Freud describes the ego as being a function of the mind and not a neurological function, therefore isn't it something that can be released with conscious effort? My ego has been the part that has gotten in the way of feeling deeply, dancing like a maniac, or wearing a bikini believing that others will certainly sit in judgment of the little bulges on my thighs. My ego allows my feelings to be hurt when my logical mind believes that everyone makes choices and while I might not agree with the choices they have made I do agree it is their right to make them. So where are you going with this, you ask...

I realize that at this point in my life I have more years behind me than I do in front of me and I know that to live a joy filled life it has required a shift in my thinking. I have placed what I think of myself before what others think. And it has changed my life completely. My ego kept me sheltered, kept me reined in and prevented me from doing something that I might have enjoyed but others might have perceived as "acting foolish."

I recently met a man that was so tightly wound in his ego that he just couldn't let go of the identity it provided for him. He was so tied up in his career and the "expected" and "socially appropriate" behavior that he was completely missing the boat of letting go and having fun. Certainly not a dance break in his future. Through that meeting, I was profoundly grateful that I am the person I am, that I move well in any circle but I am genuine and transparent in my life and if I feel a little dancing going on in my head, I let it move into my body. Appropriately so, or maybe not, but I live my life in my body and out of my head. I no longer ask a million questions in my head like "is anyone going to see me?" or "what if they do and think I look like an idiot?" Seriously, does it matter? No. I don't think someone is going to think less of me professionally or personally if they witness an act of joy emanating from me. I have been released from the idea that EGO stands for Everything Good Outside according to Dr. Northrup. Things from the outside don't fill me up, I add to the outside by spilling over from the inside. Life is just one big adventure, and whatever I choose to add to my life comes from a true desire for me, not what another will think of me should this be added. Letting go of my ego has been a work in progress, but the rewards have been incredible. So the lesson for today is I love my body more than what my ego dictates...
XO,
Karen

On the Need for Oxygen

I was on a flight a couple of weeks ago watching the safety video and it got to the part where the oxygen masks were falling from the ceiling of the cabin. Even though I have seen the video so many times, it struck me differently and I was immediately aware of why they instruct you to do that. If you don't have the oxygen you need, you will not have the ability to help another because your own source of oxygen will be depleted. I was also immediately aware of how often I have taken care of another's needs without making sure I was taken care of first. I have accepted second place many times in my life, at the expense of my own well being. What I have given to others has sometimes come from a place of resentment, guilt, or obligation because I was running on fumes in my own life. Over the last few years I have come to learn that if I'm not happy, I have no means by which to genuinely and unconditionally give to another. So I decided to see how it would work if I put the importance of my own joy first. Frankly, it works rather well.

It doesn't come from a place of narcissism it comes from a place of realization that keeping myself in a good place makes everything else incredibly easy. It is my job to take care of me. Since I have been doing that, my relationships have improved, I enjoy myself more, I have more fun. I laugh easily and often. I have even had people tell me I am a role model for living a joyful life. Wow, could I have said that 5 years ago? No.

In my profession I am a natural caregiver. I help to manage an illness, speak with family members, have difficult conversations regarding end of life issues. If my own cup is empty, I end my day feeling drained. If I take breaks during my day, like doing a little dance, or playing my air guitar, I rev right back up to a level where I have excess to give. Pleasure is as necessary as water to me.

So the message for today is put on your own mask first. It gives you the vital oxygen you need to propel your own life. Fill your own cup with pleasure first, then you have the fuel to give freely to another. Today, I love my body more than second place.

XO,
Karen

On Living a Topless Life

I was recently in Miami on a girlfriends only weekend. I go a couple of times a year and it never disappoints. It provides me with a connection to sisterhood that I have not experienced in my own family of origin and challenges me to continually expand my life. These incredible friends have become family to me and it is a joy to spend time with each of them. I come home feeling energized and full of contentment, celebrating the absolute joy I have every day waking up just being me.

On the first trip nearly two years ago, my friends and I were approaching the beach and noticed several women were topless. My girlfriend told me she didn't think she would ever be able to bare her breasts and I agreed. We settled into our chairs and were having a little conversation when we noticed a tattoo artist drawing henna tattoos on the breasts of the topless sunbathers. In an instant my friend, who had said not ten minutes earlier that she would never be able to take her top off, had not only removed it but was now discussing the design she wanted painted on her breasts with the artist. Wow. The look on her face was priceless. She was in total bliss at her courage. I was in awe. There was a couple getting married on the beach facing the ocean who might not have anticipated partially clad women with tattooed breasts dancing on the sand in their forever after pictures. In her new found liberation from not only her top, my girlfriend suggested a fertility dance around the bride. It was hysterically funny and while I laughed, I still had my top on, feeling like I was on the outside looking in at all of the fun. Why?

I think the thought of going topless on the beach was too radical for me and I knew I would have the feeling of being so completely exposed. Someone would be able to look into my soul just by seeing my breasts. While everyone was having so much fun I was hesitant to join in. I could hide behind my swimsuit keeping all of my secrets, as well as my breasts, covered. And just what did I think I was hiding? Something? Nothing? It was an interesting thought to take out of my head and examine.

Over the last several years learning to love me exactly as I am has had so many twists and unexpected turns. Realizing that I don't really have secrets that are so incredibly shocking or shameful has been liberating. Getting into agreement with my life and the experiences I have had has been priceless. It has enabled me to shoot forward into a life bigger than I would have imagined even five years ago. I can take my top off on the beach because I want to and I like the feeling of freedom it gives me.

Learning to completely step into the light in my life, fearlessly and without shame has been so incredible. Today I stand for the woman that I am, the woman that I have been and the woman I have yet to become. It is a journey and I am so digging the life I live. It is richer, juicier, and more rewarding than I could have dreamed. I no longer live my life on the outside looking in. I live my life from the inside out, joyfully, transparently and confidently. I live my life without tan lines. So the message for today is I love my body more than hiding...

Here's to blowing the top off of your life!
XO,
Karen