A few words about vanity...

I made a comment the other day about our new uniforms at work and how I was unhappy with the color but it did bring out the blue in my eyes. With a wink and a smile I was told "you're so vain." While I was a little surprised and wondered about the intention of the comment and how it was completely uncalled for, it did give me pause to think about the difference between self confidence and being vain. It also reminded me that my father used to do that to me to "knock me down to size" when he thought I was too full of myself. My self confidence withered as a child when it would have been appropriate to have been nurtured. I can remember a time in the not way distant past that this would have had the same effect on me and I would have withered at the words of another.
It has been a process to unwind the old tapes that have played in my head and live fully in the new ones that are singing there now. When I think about the word vain, it has mostly negative connotations. Narcissistic, self centered, self absorbed, snooty. Merriam-Webster defines it as having or showing undue or excessive pride in one's appearance or actions. I have blue eyes. Fact. The blue color of the uniform makes my eyes appear more blue. Fact. Is stating a fact about myself a demonstration of conceit? I don't think so. I believe women especially are taught not to brag, not to celebrate achievements openly, not to look in the mirror and appreciate, within earshot of others how absolutely fabulous the reflection appears. I recently ordered a red dress online and when it arrived I tried it on and looked at myself in the mirror. I was stunned at how great it fit, how incredible I looked in it and how the color was absolutely perfect. It hugged my curves like a Ferrari on a test track. Fact.
This is all part of the journey of learning and loving myself fully, appreciating every inch of myself from head to toe, celebrating and owning the way I look, behave, respond, and feel about myself in all situations. Letting myself be affected by the judgment of another is so old news. Is being self confident in my appearance only appropriate if I keep it to myself? I don't think so. I love to share my pride with my friends, just as I love to hear the pride they have in themselves. I think there is a mighty difference between pride and self confidence and vanity. The difference is in the attitude. Taking on the judgment by others is an old garment that doesn't fit me anymore. Even if it is done with a wink and a smile. A dig is a dig, regardless of how it is packaged. Today, I am gratefully reminded how easy it is to hand my power over to another and I am deliciously reminded that I love my body more than allowing others to label me...I'm going to go try on that dress again...
Have a fabulous, stunning day,
XO,
Karen

Loving my body with a Pleasure Infusion

I was asked a question by a friend today...Why is it so easy to see the beauty all around and so difficult to see the beauty in ourselves? My take on the whole thing is that we are so bombarded by negativity, and we take the easy road of tolerance just bobbing along in the river of our lives. It is easy to bob along, wanting a better life but not willing to stretch to get it. Playing the hand we are dealt, wondering like the old song "Is that all there is?" Changing myself will take too much time, I don't think I can do that, or the world famous, totally stuck in the muck statement "that's just the way I am." Well, does the way you are work for you? Do you truly desire better, or are you completely satisfied being the same, believing your life will be better when the kids are grown, when you lose 20 pounds, or when you have a boyfriend? Maybe your life will be better when you have a new house, a better wardrobe, more money or a better job. Yes, more money would make things better. Really? I disagree. I believe you have every thing you need right now because the life you have is the life of your own creation. Yup, you created your pleasure, your pain, your joy, or your sorrows. The trick is what you do with them. Do you celebrate you? I do. I dance. I sing, I write. I go to work and I do the best I can for 12 hours. I have the desire to choose the best for me. I care for myself like I would care for a child. I admire my body in the mirror. I love myself up from the tips of each strand of my blonde hair to the red polish on my toenails. Especially when I'm not feeling good about myself. Then it becomes required that I spend extra time with me doing pleasure homework. I light candles. I take deliciously scented bubble baths. I put on my favorite music. I take a nap. I surround myself with positive energy. I don't watch sensationalist news, or read the paper or watch CSI or Law and Order anymore. I am busy stuffing myself with pleasure and I don't have the capacity to tolerate the negativity right now. I don't believe I have missed anything that I should have known that would have changed my life. A pleasure centered life, that centers around my own pleasure, is the life I am choosing right now. It is a conscious decision, a conscious choice to live a life of self love just as it would be a choice to live a life of apathy or indifference. Some days it is more work than others, but I know that during those times when I am feeling out of balance, it becomes critical that I journal gratitude, that I look at myself in the mirror and blow myself a kiss. A cup that is overflowing with pleasure and happiness is finally able to spill over to others because I'm not working on vapors of happiness that I used to have, remembrances of a body I used to have, or a lover that has moved on. I choose to find the beauty in just being me, exactly as I am, occupying this space today on the planet. Even down to the blue spider veins in my legs--they are the roadmap of my 55 years on this planet and they are beautiful. It is my full time job to find the beauty in myself...and I love my job....Today, I love my body more than the life I thought I desired, because I realize the life I desire is the life I am living. Blowing you a kiss, Gorgeous. God, you look so hot in that dress...Really. So hot...
XO,
Karen