A few words about family...

As the holidays are upon us, it is always interesting to see how people feel about their families. Who doesn't want to spend time with Crazy Aunt Mary, who wouldn't be caught dead sitting at the kid's table, who decides at the last minute he wants to be vegetarian, and the horrible, white viscous matter that contains green beans and those fried onion things. I have usually worked on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, believing that those with little kids should have first crack at having the holiday off. Besides, I've worked so many holidays that I learned a long time ago that it really isn't the holiday date that matters, it is the time spent with family. I smile at those days when my sister and I, as adults, would fly in during the holiday season and giggle as we crept up the stairs to see if Santa had magically filled our stockings.

During the process of growing older, and the death of my father so many years ago, traditions fell by the wayside. Things weren't the same and the expansion and contraction of the family unit brought along an entire set of different priorities. Divorces, deaths, and new family members being added changed the face of our holiday traditions. Maybe I would have my children come to visit me in Chicago and I enjoyed that tremendously. Perhaps I would fly back to Denver sometime in December for a haphazard celebration, depending on when others could gather at my parent's house. I always liked having the Christmas celebration after Christmas because I could shop the after holiday sales.

So now that my family has experienced a major contraction, this holiday will be different. The absence of my mother will be felt more acutely at this time, but the importance of banding together feels more necessary than ever. Maybe some don't want to be with others, but I think the most meaningful thing that has come through this time is the profound gratitude that my siblings and I have put any discord aside and stepped back into being a family. I don't expect we will ever be the Cleavers, but it is nice to feel the sense of family again in my life.

For me, I have found that centering my life around gratitude has been so helpful. I am through the worst part of my grief and am able to see the lessons I have learned about myself. I am grateful for my sweet little Mama and all she brought to my life. I am grateful for my daughter who is such a great mom and brings a different flavor to the family. My son, with his quiet calm yet wicked sense of humor adds another dimension. My granddaughter...what can I say about this beautiful, tall, smart young woman that will always be my bundle of joy and the love of my life. My siblings, nieces and nephews are the best and continue their journeys in life with their own particular style. When we gather the room is filled with music and singing because that is just what we do. Music is the gift my mother gave to all of us.

I know that my mother smiles down on her family coming together. What we couldn't do for her in her life because of our own selfish stubbornness, we have managed to do in her death, and for that I am on my knees with gratitude. The hope I hold during this time is that perhaps we have moved past our dramas and can come together for the holidays. That would bring my mother tremendous joy as she watches from afar.

So the message for today is I love my body more than viewing my family as one dimensional. I am embracing the differences in my family and moving forward forging new paths and traditions. I have put the drama away and now choose to live in the light of gratitude and joy.

Happy Holidays!
XO,
Karen

A few words about grapes...

I was recently in California and visited several vineyards. It was awesome and I had the good fortune of being given a private tour of a lovely winery. As the tour guide was explaining everything that goes into that amazing glass of wine we tasted at the end of the tour it made me stop and think about all kinds of things...like I'm a work in progress just like the grapes. It takes years to grow the perfect grapes to be able to produce the first harvest of delicious wine. You have to balance the soil with plants that will enhance the grapes, post the trellises north to south or east to west, shade the fruit from the intense sun by letting the leaves grow or trimming them up to ripen more quickly. It is the same thing when you are balancing your life.

Keeping things in balance is sometimes like being in a carnival with plates on sticks or juggling and throwing batons, or learning to stand on someone else's shoulders when you need to. I have worked through my life on things that would develop me emotionally, having the courage to look at my life fearlessly in the eye moving through challenging times as gracefully as possible, planting seeds to create the perfect balance in the soil of my life. As I am moving through this process of discovering the possibilities that lie in my future without my mother in it, I realize that I have been like the grapes. Each seed planted, each sheltered emotion wanting to burst through the ground, each side of me that I have shaded from the light, each darkness that dawns with new light and understanding stands for the million facets that make me, me.

I stand profoundly grateful for the soil, seeds, storms, sunshine, and challenging conditions that have presented themselves to me during my lifetime. I have no doubt I'm moving through the loss of my mother with grace and dignity and profound growth. I'm not sure when I'll be finished, probably never because I think when you stop growing you stop living, but in the meantime I am setting the table, polishing the wine glasses and preparing for the harvest of a lifetime. You have to believe with every fiber of your being that you have created the perfect blend for an amazing life, overflowing with light and love. Sometimes you just have to bet on the grapes being a flavorful combination that is aged well, balanced, luscious, full bodied, bold and elegant with nice legs. Just like me! So the message for today is I love my body more than challenging times. They only serve to make me dig really deep for the richness that lies within me.

Cheers!

XO,
Karen