A few words about family...

As the holidays are upon us, it is always interesting to see how people feel about their families. Who doesn't want to spend time with Crazy Aunt Mary, who wouldn't be caught dead sitting at the kid's table, who decides at the last minute he wants to be vegetarian, and the horrible, white viscous matter that contains green beans and those fried onion things. I have usually worked on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, believing that those with little kids should have first crack at having the holiday off. Besides, I've worked so many holidays that I learned a long time ago that it really isn't the holiday date that matters, it is the time spent with family. I smile at those days when my sister and I, as adults, would fly in during the holiday season and giggle as we crept up the stairs to see if Santa had magically filled our stockings.

During the process of growing older, and the death of my father so many years ago, traditions fell by the wayside. Things weren't the same and the expansion and contraction of the family unit brought along an entire set of different priorities. Divorces, deaths, and new family members being added changed the face of our holiday traditions. Maybe I would have my children come to visit me in Chicago and I enjoyed that tremendously. Perhaps I would fly back to Denver sometime in December for a haphazard celebration, depending on when others could gather at my parent's house. I always liked having the Christmas celebration after Christmas because I could shop the after holiday sales.

So now that my family has experienced a major contraction, this holiday will be different. The absence of my mother will be felt more acutely at this time, but the importance of banding together feels more necessary than ever. Maybe some don't want to be with others, but I think the most meaningful thing that has come through this time is the profound gratitude that my siblings and I have put any discord aside and stepped back into being a family. I don't expect we will ever be the Cleavers, but it is nice to feel the sense of family again in my life.

For me, I have found that centering my life around gratitude has been so helpful. I am through the worst part of my grief and am able to see the lessons I have learned about myself. I am grateful for my sweet little Mama and all she brought to my life. I am grateful for my daughter who is such a great mom and brings a different flavor to the family. My son, with his quiet calm yet wicked sense of humor adds another dimension. My granddaughter...what can I say about this beautiful, tall, smart young woman that will always be my bundle of joy and the love of my life. My siblings, nieces and nephews are the best and continue their journeys in life with their own particular style. When we gather the room is filled with music and singing because that is just what we do. Music is the gift my mother gave to all of us.

I know that my mother smiles down on her family coming together. What we couldn't do for her in her life because of our own selfish stubbornness, we have managed to do in her death, and for that I am on my knees with gratitude. The hope I hold during this time is that perhaps we have moved past our dramas and can come together for the holidays. That would bring my mother tremendous joy as she watches from afar.

So the message for today is I love my body more than viewing my family as one dimensional. I am embracing the differences in my family and moving forward forging new paths and traditions. I have put the drama away and now choose to live in the light of gratitude and joy.

Happy Holidays!
XO,
Karen