On Being my Own Party

I was at an exercise class earlier this week and talk turned to the weather and yet another approaching storm. I swore to the class if there was snow on the ground in the morning, I would wear my bikini under my clothes to work. It was pretty funny when I got up, looked out of the window and saw we had the beginnings of what looked to be another blizzard. So, true to my promise, when I got dressed I put on my bikini first in official protest of the snow, but mostly because it was fun, then put on my black dress and boots and left to start my day with a huge smile on my face. I got to work and told a friend who thought it was hilariously funny, another told me she was so sick of winter she went to VS and bought every pair of sunshine yellow underwear she could find. It was a little mini riot of fun at my own hands. When I got home from work, the snow was so beautiful on my balcony that I took off my shoes and did a little barefoot dance just to see my footprints. It was fun, and it was my idea.

I realize that through my life I have expected the job of making me happy belonged to someone else. A husband, a boyfriend, an employer, friends or a family member. It is interesting how my journey of seeking to live my life through fun and pleasure has given me more joy than anyone else could ever give me. See, I am my own party. I wear a bikini under my work clothes because it makes ME happy. I dance barefoot in the snow because it is joy of my own creation. I turn on my iPod and dance in my living room because it moves my energy and makes me feel good.

How many times have I complained because I wasn't having a good time or failed to come through for myself to stand in my own pleasure? Too many to count. I have blamed others for my lack of happiness. And knowing what I have learned about creating my own fun, I sincerely apologize to them for the expectation that they were responsible for me. I am responsible for me, in every respect. And it is liberating, exhilarating, and most of all completely fun. So, today I love my body more than expecting someone else to create my happiness...

I'm off to run errands, flirt with every man, woman and child within my reach and smile my way through this gorgeous day.

With joy in my heart,
XO,
Karen