A few words about Pigeon Holes

I was speaking with a coworker the other day who was telling me of his frustration about working full time in one area while he is working on post graduate work in Health Care Administration. His frustration was centered around not being valued for what he was learning, but for what he was currently doing. When I told him to reframe that thought into how rich with experience he was becoming being on the other side of administration and what and incredible leader he will be, he walked away standing a little taller. It is all in how you look at it and his situation opened the door for some contemplation, and how important for people who are contributing to the decisions in our lives to place you in the appropriate box.

It is my thought that we place ourselves in our own pigeon holes therefore placing self imposed limitations. For me, I'm single. I've been divorced but each time I see that box on some form I'm filling out it generates negative feelings. What difference does it make? Is my doctor going to treat me differently? Am I being judged by the box I check? Single, married, divorced, widowed. Single? I just haven't met the right person. Could mean you're living with someone but technically you're single. Married? Have been before so really you're divorced then remarried. Divorced? Made a bad decision, things just didn't work out, and a host of other things. And widowed? A different journey. Each box holds a different feeling. Maybe they should add a few boxes, like "Single but dating," "Happily Married" because after all, if you are happily married you must be more stable than "Single but dating" don't you agree? But in who's eyes?

It is my opinion that we put ourselves in our own pigeon holes in life thereby labeling ourselves. Or perhaps are we making excuses for not living our lives full out? If you can place yourself in a box then you don't have to live outside of one. In my mind, you're single or you're married. Everything else is the life experience in between. When I was first divorced, I clung to that identity for a while until I became single again. Single feels nicer to me. Free, independent, non-attached.

I've checked boxes before believing that somehow they were keeping statistics, or it was something that I needed to do to comply with the rules. Now, I make my own. I check the single box because that is what I am. Divorce was a long time ago and it doesn't really matter anymore.

So pigeon holes no longer define me. They only serve to put me in a category that defines me for someone else. So, the message for today is that I love my body more than being placed in a pigeon hole. I choose to find my own definition. Perhaps I'll choose to add a box to the standard forms; single but having a great time in my life. Yes, I like that one!

XO,
Karen